After only a few months, the Strib has discontinued the wildly popular(LOL) feature section called HOW TO. Each week, this section featured a HOW TO article. They need a course on HOW NOT TO talk down to their readers. They were actually quite funny. Reading them, I always had the thought that someone should call to say, WE KNOW THIS FOR GOD’S SAKE. I had two favorites: one was on how to iron a shirt, and the other was how to stock your pantry.Are these really problems in daily life? I know the newspaper people believe they are writing articles for fifth grader level intelligence. But their average reader is now in his or her fifties!! I am wondering if the STRIB is actually more clever than we believe…maybe they were testing a new theory of journalism, called IF IT WORKED FOR SEINFELD IT CAN WORK FOR US. (Seinfeld was famous for making a sitcom about the smallest and most inane life moments.) I bet that the STRIB reader, again:average age-55, understands that one needs an ironing board to iron a shirt and that the iron needs to be plugged in to be hot. And, that that canned food can go in the pantry. Or, that you should look in the pantry before dinner to see what is available, or not.We were going to send them some ideas for the section, but they have since discontinued it….maybe they simply ran out of topics. If that is true, we have come up with some ideas that are similar to the others they have already covered. Suggested articles for the STRIB HOW TO Section:

When we step out of the shower daily, we notice we are dripping wet. What can we do?

Answer: See those brightly colored pieces of fabric hanging nearby, those are called towels, pull on one end gently so it comes off the hanger, rub it on your body ….etc, etc.

I have trouble eating soup, what should I do?

Answer: We find it is necessary to use all the eating utensils. If you are uncomfortable with spoons, remember that you cannot stab your food with a spoon, it doesn’t have those sharp things. Instead it works much better to scoop your food with a spoon…some people call them scoopers, but we recommend using the more common “spoon.”

How do you get up in the morning?

Answer: We don’t know the answer to this one. Sorry. Call the paper, they might know. Certainly, don’t bother reading it.