Maybe it is my sense of humor, but speakers and writers who conjure up funny analagies, metaphors and similes always capture my attention.

Every family has these characters who can effortlessly make their words more vivid, more humorous, hilarious even. “It’s like cleaning the garage with the Winnebago parked inside, you can do it but it still doesn’t look very good.”

[tag]Mike Royko[/tag], who wrote a column in the [tag]Chicago Tribune[/tag] every day for 25 years was a master. “[tag]God tipped the country and all the fruits and nuts rolled west[/tag],” he wrote.

Today, [tag]Sports Illustrated’s[/tag] [tag]Rick Reilly[/tag] sets the standard by which all sports writers are measured. “[tag]Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.[/tag]” Tell me that is not descriptive and funny all at one time.

[tag]Scott Adams[/tag], the creator of [tag]Dilbert[/tag], also writes this way. “It was scarier than [tag]Rosie O’Donnell[/tag] in bicycle shorts.”

If you spend five minutes you can create your own just by watching the news—

It was as sad as watching Wayne Newton try to dance. Watching Ellen DeGeneres cry was like watching little girl cry who lost her Barbies at school–you are sorry, but hey, it’s just a doll. Doing a budget for work is like working out every morning at 5 am, you know it’s necessary but you are not going to get any credit for it. Showing up at work on time is like eating your beets, sure they are gross but it’s sumthin you have to do. Buying a too-small car with teenage kids in the house is like admitting better gas mileage is worth a dead kid or two. Watching yet another ‘star’ get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, makes you wonder big the GULLIBLE sign is on most of us. Doing without TIVO is like not showering, sure you can do it, but you would be missing out on a lot. Buying an ad on Monster is like admitting you just don’t care any more.

I could go on and on, but won’t.