One thing us parents are never short of is advice. Got a new boyfriend? Well, let me tell you what I think about him!!??!! Picking a college? Here’s what you should do. Buy or lease? Rent or own? My way is the only way to do it, kid.
Why do we give advice anyway? The short answer is that we can. Who else in our own lives listens (somewhat) to us when we expound on almost any subject? Plus, we can guilt you into listening to us.
We earned the right to give advice. We were there when you were born; you were wet, sloppy-looking, bloody and still, even with that scrunched up face, we loved you dearly, unconditionally from that instant on. We stayed up with you, rocked you until we fell asleep, got up at the crack of 0-dark:thirty with you, fed you, cleaned up your, er, messes, burped you and pretty much adored you. We watched your stupid soccer games when you were five, laced up hockey skates, bought you game jersey after game jersey and took all your friends to DQ after. Net, net–we earned the right to give you our stupid advice. We ache for those times. You will see.
Which is why we love to advise you about your career. By the way, this column is written for everyone except my OWN KIDS.
When I was 26, I told my own dad I was getting out of the Air Force. You would have thought I had told him I had decided to be a serial killer or bank robber. He was devastated by my complete and utter stupidity. Didn’t I realize how good a job I had? How secure it was? How well I had been doing? How the future was so bright for me? On and on; on and on; on and on.
He had grown up in THE Depression and job security was huge. Huge. For me, not so much.
His advice to me was really for him. He would never had changed careers because that was who he was. And he couldn’t get past that—what was good for him would be good for me, he reasoned.
Back to you. Take your parents’ advice to heart. They do know you better than you think. And, they truly have your best interests in mind. And, they might, might, be wiser about these things than you give them credit for. To keep harmony in the house, try these these ten things:
1. Break down and simplify their objections to your plan. You be the adult in other words. Treat these objections as problems that you need to solve. Don’t just yell.
2. Take these objections and think about each one carefully. For example, if you have to take a financial step backwards, can you continue to live in the manner to which you have been accustomed. How can you reduce your expenses?
3. Tell them stories about your vision for your future and of people who are happy in this new area. In other words, give them something positive to think about rather than all the bad things.
4. Throw it back on them. They, after all, trained you to be an independent thinker. Mom and Dad, you taught me to be my own person…why be disappointed when I am?
5. Let them know you will own the decision. You will either make it go or will be responsible for fixing it.
6. Tell them that theirs is the only advice you are really getting and listening to. Us parents just want to be heard.
7. Don’t bring up past arguments or grudges. I wanted to play lacrosse in high school and you never let me is not a winning argument today.
8. Show some of your back up plan. Wow them with your savings account balance. Show them the refernce letters. Show them the research you have done about this new career.
9. Make sure they realize you have been thinking about this for some time. Face it, us parents can remember when we spent a week making your Pirate costume only to find out on Halloween Night that you had to be Darth Vader instead. Don’t remind us of that.
10. Listen between the lines to our advice, some might be good. But at the end of the day…it’s your life.
And, you know what? No matter what you decide, you can still come home and throw your crap all over the house just like old times.
[tags]taking parents advice, advising your kids, how to tell your parents you want to change jobs, keeping your parents happy, why parents love their kids, how to give advice to your kids[/tags]
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Wow, G.L.! It’s amazing how all this is so logical and clear… NOW! I wish I’d had this kind of advice when I was that age.
Seriously, this is a great advice column for practically every college-age kid/parent combo out there! Now, how do we get it to them….
But I like to yell—anyway that’s what my kids say.
Actually it’s my voice tone that comes across as yelling. Thank God I have a wife who can tell me what I sound like.
GL –your exactly right about training them to be independent thinkers—I just need to not lose site of that goal.
like always I have forwarded this all around the world—-great stuff
Robert, Mike…thanks for your positive support. Well, managing and/or leading your OWN kids is the hardest task of all. IT is easy to give advice to others, fersure.
So what do you do to appease both parents who are coming from different angles? My dad was an engineer for the State of Illinois for 30 years. His wife is a college professor and lifelong educator. He took an early retirement at age 55 and is living off his pension. I’m an entrepreneur and I think he’s a bit worried about it since he asks about benefits, 401k, etc. He’s always told me to get a state job, but the more I tell him about the success of my business, the more comfortable he is.
My mom is an entrepreneur. She started a travel agency 20 years ago and kept buying other ones until she finally closed it down a few years ago. She’s now a mine real estate tycoon (with her new husband) She’s always supported my entrepreneurial dreams, even my multi-level, internet marketing, creative real estate financing schemes. I celebrate my business successes and strategize with her. Whenever I have a problem I go to her for advice. She’s battle tested and a great person to have in my corner.
I’m 26 now, so I still have some time to grow my business to where I want it. Until then, I’ll have to appease my folks (and wife!) using the tips above.
On a side note, Jobdig is a great idea. I’m just learning about the power (and popularity) of vertical search. Hopefully you can add this to your list of successfully launched companies.
Best,
Raza Imam
http://BoycottSoftwareSweatshops.com
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[...] February, 2008: What To Do Whenn You Get Bad Career Advice from your Parentals. We all have received terrible job and career advice from our parents, here’s how to handle [...]
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