As you all know, NBC moved Jay Leno from his nightime spot opposite that lying bastard Letterman to the 9 pm slot, in a move both dangerous and brilliant. He started off great, but has apparently begun to fizzle out a bit. I really like him and want him to succeed. And even though I have absolutely no experience in TV….read the kicker text again (Frequently wrong, never in doubt)….I thought I would give Jay ten things to change. This is all done in goodwill, Jay.

leno

1. Get back behind a desk. Watching grown men try to figure out how to cross their legs, and the below-the-waist fidgeting is distracting to the viewer. He used the desk for years, why change?

2. No wanna-be comedian skits. Jay, my man, are you kidding? It is super nice of you to want to showcase talent, but showcasing almost-talent, is embarrassing. When they come on, I check out CSI and I bet millions other do, too. Painful to watch, truly.

3. The set is too busy. You got more things going on there than the midway at the MN state fair. Simplify it.

4. Use funny segments from other late night shows, like Fallon’s, Conan’s, even Kimmel’s. If George Stanfophfolomos (sp?) can re run funnies on his Sunday morning news show, surely YOU can get permission. They will love the plugs, and it shows how you are the stud at the comedy farm

5. Find different sort of guests, from the business and sports world, other professionals. Give them a day’s training to make them presentable, perhaps a good idea, but I am getting tired of the re treads. The world is full of interesting, witty, quick people…find them. Scout out improv theaters, your people can find their people.

6. Everyday I read funnier stuff on Twitter. I get emails that make me laugh out loud. You must get lots of them too…do something with them. Ever watch YouTube? I bet a segment on what you think was world class funny would make me laugh too.

7. Hire better writers. No ‘fense to the crew you got, but new blood is necessary. Google “Maddox, the bestpage in the universe guy,” and make him your head writer.

8. Travel more. Your man on the street schtick is terrific, but hey, it is still LA. Doing it in Clay Center, KS, would be even more hilarious.

9. Have some interactive stuff…contest submissions of funny bits, a sort of Jay Leno’s American Idol idea, 15 seconds to fame. If you can’t get it on-air, put it on-line. Twitter post of the day, whatever it takes. If it is good, it will help.

10. I am thinking you need a sidekick. I’d volunteer, but I am pretty busy…but I do have the perfect guy: Charles Barkley. Send a plane for him and a Brink’s truck, whatever he wants.

In related news, THE ONION reports today that President Obama won the coveted Nobel Peach Prize…wait, wait, wait….