by CAL, Curmudgeon at Large

I would like to comment, but being Christmastime and all, there’s a risk it might make me appear to be all curmudgeonly. But, still.

Way to go, Congress. Can you imagine any other American business or institution other than the airlines so tone deaf as to ignore thousands of irate, tarmac-stuck, can’t-use-the-toilet customers? Again, thanks Congress. You fixed it. And Mr. Airline, you are lucky you didn’t get worse. You could have been shot.

There are some other businesses or institutions that you may want jump in and to fix next term. You can wait til January to get going on these.

1. Snow removal. Here in Minnesota, it can snow twelve inches in the middle of the night and by rush hour every main and side street is cleared. Yet in Chicago and Boston their snow removal plan appears to be “spring.” Fix this and make life a little easier.

2. Sound editing. Can we do something about the mumbling on TV shows? Luckily, we have TIVO at my house so when Hilda asks me “What did he say?” I just back it up. Not everyone has TIVO.

3. The 15 Minute rule. Remember when Andy Warhol said that everyone will be famous for 15 minutes? Let’s make that a law, 15 minutes, no more. And tell Mary Hart of ET.

4. Let’s outlaw any font that is smaller than 8 point. Call it “Grandpa’s Law.” But Grandpa can make his “GET OFF MY GRASS” sign as large as he wants.

5. Mandate a new career category: “Direction Writing.” Every business must hire one graduate whose directions pass the kindergartener and old folks’ home test.

So that is my list of fixable things for Congress to work on. Trust me, I have more. But it is Christmas.

Have a Merry One.