by CAL, Curmudgeon at Large

Back in the 19-hundreds, New York City used to be a dangerous place.  ’Member?  Crime was unchecked. Whole city blocks looked like Detroit and everyone had given up.  Gangs roamed and citizens left the city.  Madonna lived there.

Enter Rudy Guilani.  As mayor, he got busy following the Broken Windows theory of  urban disorder.  He painted over graffiti, picked up trash on the street–in other words, by fixing the little things, people get the idea that order and not chaos lies in the near future.

So, in that spirit, here is my starter list of 5 things we can fix that would make my life a bit better.

1.  Television and movie sound editing. This is easy.  We CANNOT understand you actors.  Shessh.  Don’t they teach enunciation in acting school any more?  Wonder why baby boomers are watching more movies at home these days?  One word: TIVO.  Hello?

2. Ban bluetooth. Let’s start with restaurants, coffee shops and grocery stores banning people from carrying on conversations right IN FRONT OF ME.

3. TSA. I am sensing that people are now starting to buy into the fact that we need extra fondling to ensure airline safety.  Surely we can fix this, can’t we?  I got it–Privatize airline security and we have a Safe Traveler line by Christmas.

4.  Simple is as simple does. Don’t give me more features, give me less.  I now own a keyless car.  I did not realize having a key was such a big problem.  Car companies, you have successfully created a problem where none existed.   Especially when I dropped Hilda off to go shopping, so I could go buy gas a few miles away.  Turned the car off at the pump.  Oh,did I tell you she carries the little key thing in her purse?  When your product development guys bring new ideas to you, Mr. BigShot, ask…”is this a problem? Or is just because you braniacs can do it?”  Don’t even get me started on SmartPhones–my new one scratches my ass, the kid at BestBuy said.

5.  Fonts and font sizes. Mostly for restaurants and theaters, this is easy–use bolder and bigger.  If you throw in a little flashlight thingy, I will come back often.

6.  (Bonus)Plastic packaging that requires scissors and then bandages. I wager there are old folks all over America who literally cry trying to open their stuff.

Please add to the list.