Bad word alert.

This is directed at you college sophomores.  Most of you do not have a genie.

It’s taken nearly two years away from home but it looks to me like you are finally getting your shit together.  You can’t carry it yet, but you are  getting it together.  So, good going.  So far.

You have a long way to go, so let me take you by the hand and give you some advice.  I have shoes older than you, so I am entitled.  Your own Dad gives great advice too, but we all know how lame he is.

1.  Try harder.  We all know you could study more and harder but  for some reason it has gotten to be all cool and shit to appear to get “it”  without working very hard.  You are just naturally smart.  Right.  Start to get “A’s”–just do the work and the extra work.  Research the topic on your own, think between the lines and after you learn the main topic cold, offer up a unique perspective on it for the class.  Like it or not, you or your parents are paying big money for your professors…challenge them with some new thinking.  But AFTER you master the basics.

2.  Don’t bother changing schools.  That won’t help.  The classes are there for you.  Most schools do not have the exact class you seem to want.  I have some suggestions for classes.  ”How to get a $100,000/year job” class is not in your future…it does NOT exist.

3.  Get real.  Every ex-high school athlete in college wants a job in “Sports Marketing.”  And every pretty girl wants to be in PR or Advertising.  Do some more thinking on what you like.  Serious.

4.  Once you figure out that you are intrigued by, let’s say, the medical field,  go to LINKUP.com and type in every keyword associated with that field you can think of.  Let’s use “medical devices.” You will see a list of jobs from real companies…without leaving your name on the site or your underpants’ size…you can then click on those jobs and see what the job means.  You can find the company name, its location, even names of its people.  This is where you use your mastery of all social media to stalk, er, find out more about their people.

5.  Take every class you can on public speaking and writing.  Most college-age job candidates I see can do neither.  It has gotten so bad I almost called some parents myself and said “I hate to tell you this, but if you paid for college, you got screwed.”  It is that bad.  Sorry if the truth hurts, but it is not too late for you.  Facebook or Twittering does not count.

6.  Here is a trick for you for this upcoming summer intern rush. If you have done your work on research and background, you will have a list of companies you find pretty darned exciting and even some names of people who work there.  Call them.  Practice this call.  Ask for their advice, your goal is to get them to have coffee with you, your treat.  Unless you are a complete idiot, chances are good you can get a coffee with some middle manager at Medtronic or Nike or General Mills.  Start collecting names and career advice.

7.  If you are lucky enough to get a coffee with, let’s say, a middle manager at Medtronic, your only goal is to get to “hang” with those people during the summer.  Any money they pay you is misleading because you are not worth it, yet.  So, offer to work for free.  I know the experts like Heather Huhman and Mark Babbitt may not agree, but hey, this is my blog.

8.  Be sure to tell them how you have improved in the last six months.  Managers lovelovelove incremental improvement, and you have done it.

9.  Take an accounting course.  Every job can be handled better if you know these basics.  I don’t care if you want to draw for a comic book company, knowing this subject will help you.  Big time.

10. Work on your own likability.  Lose the perpetual scowl.  Work on your manners.  Read this.