Hey College Kids.

Coupla months now. Gonzo. You are graduating Dude and Dudette.  Whoohoo.  On behalf of parents everywhere, whoohoo.  So, let’s talk about jobs.

Time Magazine has a cover story this week on JOBS that basically advises you move to a high tech city like Austin, one with a University, a high tech atmosphere, you know, free WIFI everywhere INCLUDING Starbucks.  Good advice.  For most of you.

But Austin is not where the BIG opportunities are, the ginormous opportunities are in cities like Detroit, Michigan and Talmage, Kansas.  Cuz if you are really good, Dude and Dudette, those are the cities that need you, that want you, that will celebrate you.  Want to be famous in the world of work?  Move to Detroit and figure something out, create a new business or better yet, a new atmosphere.  Blank canvas there.

You’ve read about Lindsay Lohan suing e*Trade over that baby commercial, you know, the one that says “that milkoholic Lindsay..”  For those few of you over 60, er, 61 let’s say,  who have not seen it yet, here is the e*Trade ad we are talking about.

[youtube lEXZ2hfD3bU]

Evidently, her shyster attorney thinks young Lindsay, the star of “Mean Girls” and “Herbie: Fully Loaded” is on par with Oprah and Madonna in famous one-namer-land.  She misses the point, it’s the combination of milkoholic with Lindsay‘s name.  If I am at home playing word association games and the words “alcoholic and Lindsay” are given, I shout out Lindsay Lohan like lickity-split, know what I mean?  Case closed. Game, set, match, me. Gimme $100 million.

I mean, really,  ask yourself if the boy baby had been asked instead, “did you have that talkative and shrill Oprah over?” what would happen?  You know it.  There would be hell to pay, and e*Trade would soon be part of Harpo, if you get my drift.

So, Lindsay has a point.  Plus her acting gig was going nowhere.

It did get me to thinking.

You may not have noticed how some car manufacturers are using my name GL, sans permission.  Do I have a case or what?  Everyday someone emails me in my dreams and asks if I just bought a new Mercedes, or Ford Escort, or VW, or Corolla…cuz, you know, they saw my name on the trunk.  It is getting embarrassing.  I am thinking millions.  Go, Lindsay, go.

There is a new rumor that Susan Sarandon is going after the manufacturers of Lazy Susans.  That is just plain wrong.

This is a re-hash of old news but in never hurts to review before the big test.  Here are some key things you must do before and during your upcoming job interview.

1.  Research the employer.  Find out what they are doing.  What are their issues?   Google them, read the business press, the niche publications, what do the local papers say about them, read the 10Q’s, everything you can find.  As you reading this stuff be thinking only one thing: How can I help them?

2.  Research the interviewer and the hiring manager.  Google them, read their bios on LinkedIn, Spoke, wherever.  Do they write a blog?  Did them post a comment somewhere?  Take notes, and figure out what it is about this person you will like.

3.  Dress one level up from the interviewer.  Jeans environment?  Wear khakis.  Business casual, wear a sportcoat and tie.  Guys, iron your shirt.  Girls, you are on your own here.  I think you know.

4. Make a memorable appearance.  Be extra sharp.  Tie your tie perfectly. Shine your shoes.

5.  Guys.  This is a big one.  I know you love your cologne.  Trust me, the days of slathering yourself up with “Polo OMG I  Stink Good” are over, ever since the Senior Prom.

6.  Lose the gum.  I don’t care if  you think no one can tell you are chewing it.  They can.

7.  Leave your smartphone turned off, better yet in the car.  Don’t even think you can sneak one more text in before you get called in.

8.  Practice smiling.  Seriously.  Everyone looks better when they smile.  Hey, I said it was a re hash of old things, but good grief, if  you are a humorless dolt, and look like it, I am not hiring you.  No matter what.

9.  Shake hands correctly.  Look people in the eye.  Take notes. Look fricking engaged in life and in the job interview.  Be “cool” somewhere else.

10.  Be ready for the common interview questions.  And explain why and how you can help me.  (BTW, practicing the answers to these questions in front of the mirror is a legal activity.)

by CAL, Curmudgeon at Large

We expect the Coke logo all over American Idol.  In marketing, this is called Product Placement, and Coke pays zillions to have Simon Cowell drink Coke.  Ad agencies try to figure out how to get their BMWs in car chases, Yoplait in sitcom lunch scenes, and Fendi purses on starlets.

Here is the idea. If we see a star using it, we GOTTA have it and use it, too.  Lemming management it is called.

So I am watching the Oscars tonight and I am struck by the number of actresses and actors caught on camera chewing gum, with their mouth wide open!  Morgan Freeman even showed his gum (CHOMP, CHOMP, YUMMY) during his interview on the red carpet.  Sarah Jessica Parker was so excited about her borrowed dress and diamonds that SHE was chomping, chomping out in the audience.  She knows better.

Unlike the Coke executives who call their friends after each American Idol, “Did you see Randy Jackson hold MY can all during the intro? Amazzzing!!” I am wondering if the Doublemint execs even know that all over America mothers are saying “See. see, see!  THAT’s why you can’t chew gum!!”  It has to hurt sales.

Gum must be the only product that product placers DO NOT want to see in a movie or TV show.

In a Yahoo piece today, Stephanie  Loicacono wrote about the “hidden job market” and has a few ideas for those job seekers who are tired of throwing their resumes in with the masses.  She quotes a stat:  ”80% of all jobs are never advertised.”

That is somewhat correct.  And our own stats at LINKUP.com basically agrees with her.  BUT.  What she really means is that 80% of the jobs are never advertised off their own website.   More companies today are posting ALL their job openings up on their own career portals, where they can announce early openings for employees, and where they can control every employment branding issue.  This is becoming more and more important as employers realize that posting a job on a jobs site like Yahoo, Monster or CareerBuilder really means that this job will soon be on 50,000 OTHER job boards.  This is why duplicate listings on job boards…for the same job…is a huge problem for most job seekers.

Our site LINKUP.com is different.  It is too bad Stephanie did not mention LINKUP.com because we are helping thousands of job seekers every day discover how to tap into the hidden job market.

(I entered “yahoo” into the powerful LINKUP.com job search engine and got nearly 1,000 jobs currently available. Check it out here.

I do Twitter.  I do blog.  I do email.  I don’t do webinar.  Until now, er, next Tuesday, March 9th, with my friend J.T. O’Donnell of Careerealism and JTODONNELL.  Anyone who goes by their initials is a friend of mine because we have heard it ALL—”How do you spell GL?” or “What is your real name?”  I can only imagine what JT has heard.

Anyway, next Tuesday at 2 pm EST, I will be on the computer talking with JT about some lessons I have learned in doing startups.  Some were very expensive, some are counter-intuitive.  If you expect something all textbook-y and venture capital-y, this is most likely NOT the webinar you should spend any time with next Tuesday.  But, on the other hand, if you would like to hear some real life stories from Moi…after about 25 years in the startup trenches…then dial in. Or sign in, whatever you have to do.  Have you noticed how EVERYONE wants to be in their own business nowadays?

BTW, it is completely FREE.  All you have to do is spend your time.  And, just so you know, I am not in the least bit nervous about doing this.  JT is a great host and will cover up if I stutter or otherwise make a total fool out of myself. Plus what is the worst thing that could happen?  You might have experienced some of what I have over the years, so it is a do-over for you.  I will work very hard to give you something that is definitely worth your time.  Free makes it easy.

I used to tell myself  the worst thing that could happen was that they could shave my head and send me to VietNam.  It has been all upside since then.

Here is how to sign up.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention I wrote a book about this.  Find out more here.

Just when I think that a major news organization is going after all these job scams, ABC News goes after, wait for it, no, not TheLadders, but, are you ready for it Angel Pin Creations. Here is the news report.  Could they have founder a smaller scam?  Shessh.

No wonder why job seekers are becoming more and more upset at job boards.  Most of the complaints are understandable:  too many duplicates, too many third parties, too many jobs out of date, too many ‘scams,’ too many privacy concerns.

Some companies, er, job boards just outright lie about their services.  See here, and here, and here.

A reader, Christopher Walker of www.MatureServices.org sent me this note about a scam hitting those job seekers over 50. I thought you would like reading it.  Thanks Chris!

GL—As you know, I work with job seekers 50 years of age and older.  And as you might expect, many of them are not the most computer/internet savvy folks around  So a great deal of my time is spent trying to keep them safe as they navigate the online world of job search.  Why is it that so much entrepreneurial effort is expended trying to steal their money or identities?

I was on a job search related site recently, and crawling down the side  were the Ads by Google, the Great Enabler.  One caught my eye from newjobclassifieds.net; I clicked.  It was a standard job listing search box with a pretty cool logo.  I popped in a company name and hit Search.  441 jobs found (441 seems to be a random number, as subsequent searches with the same company name yielded 651 and 397), but I have to register, giving name, e-mail, home address and date of birth. I don’t like registering to see job listings, so I scrolled down to the Terms & Conditions.  Among the eight pages was this:

“Our Service is an online marketplace where you can research and compare services in a number of different categories, including, but not limited to, home purchase loans, home equity loans, home refinance loans, dating, dieting, healthcare, auto insurance, and online educational programs (collectively, the “Service”).unemployedassistanceonus.net does not endorse or recommend the products or services of any particular Client (defined below) on any of its Websites or guarantee acceptance into any particular program. unemployedassistanceonus.net is not an agent of either you or any Client.”

Did you happen to notice the word ‘Job’ in there?  And there was this (the emphasis on ‘any’ is mine):

“You understand and agree that if you submit a request for a product or service offered through the Service, unemployedassistanceonus.net will share your personal information (such as your full name, address, e-mail address, social security number, telephone number, and any other information you provided or permitted us to obtain and disclose) with ANY Clients in our network, including but not limited to banks, correspondent lenders, mortgage bankers, brokers, dieting and healthcare providers, insurances agents, and online education program providers, (hereinafter referred to individually and/or collectively as “Client(s)”) to process and fulfill your request.”

You might have noticed that the web address in the T & C is not the one I was accessing.  A whois on newjobclassifieds.net shows it registered through Moniker Privacy Services, a hiding place for scum I have seen referred to as a major ‘spam enabler’.  The domain was registered 2/5/2010 and expires 2/5/2011.  The other one, unemployedassistanceons.net, was registered 3/8/2009 and expires 3/8/2010.  Not only do they not want anyone to know who they really are, they don’t even want me to think they still exist a year from now.

I tried to tell Google that we advise all our clients to never, ever click on any Ads by Google,  but I couldn’t penetrate their  Contact Us, one glass too many of Burgundy I guess, or perhaps they don’t really want to hear from me.  Maybe if you relayed the message via WWDS, they might notice; I didn’t say care.

I was a little encouraged last week to see this http://ftc.gov/opa/2010/02/bottomdollar.shtm, but the problem is so big, I am routinely very depressed by the Postal Service Exam help sites (last week, a search of the USPS web site indicated there were 16 jobs in all of Ohio, half of which were Temporary Relief Rural Relief Carriers working eight hours every other week),  the Google Biz Kits etc. etc. etc.  Ask your Dad, would ya?

By the way, your own news organizations should do something.  Tweet about it, forward this on to your #media contacts on Twitter, etc.  Or, better yet, call your state’s Attorney General.

By CAL, Curmudgeon at Large

I don’t know about you, but the FIRST thing I think about when it snows like this is—HEY LET’S GO JOGGING!